The following is a non-profit, fan-based, parody, Romeo and Juliet is owned by William Shakespeare.
(This is an alternate version of Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet. To see the original novel, Click here.)
Act 5, Scene 3, Page 14
PRINCE
We settle a dark peace this morning. The sun is too sad
to show itself. Let’s go, to talk about these sad things some more. Some will
be pardoned, and some will be punished. There was never a story more full of
pain than the story of Romeo and Juliet.
Act 6, Scene 1, Page 1
CHORUS
All could have occurred, all would have been lost, if not
for our hero’s sudden change of mind, of path.
Act 5, Scene 3, Page 4 plays from the beginning once
more.
PARIS
I refuse your request. I’m arresting you as a criminal.
ROMEO
Are you going to provoke me? (pulls sword out)
PARIS
A man with hands as dirty as yours shalt not be left
unpunished!
Romeo and Paris charge toward each other with swords on
their hands.
CHORUS
But there is but a thought that appeared in Romeo’s
corrupted mind, Friar Lawrence’s words echoes: I swear by my holy order, I
thought you were smarter and more rational than this.
ROMEO
(Romeo zones-out while running towards Paris) No, this
man has nothing to do with anything.
ROMEO
(to PARIS) I beg you forgiveness, I have already caused
too much pain in this world I myself am sickened by my existence. (drops his
sword) Before I die, tell the Capulets and the Montagues that I am truly sorry,
this is my last request. (Romeo falls down) I'm sorry, Juliet, I am sorry, my
love.
PARIS
No. No! What have I done? I- I have slain someone. What will be the Prince’s reaction to this? Indeed, I
will be punished for committing such crime. But is my act of self-defense
enough reason to have the Prince give me mercy? Oh Lord, I have to get out of
here before anyone else sees me with this lifeless person.
PARIS runs away from the scene encountering FRIAR
LAWRENCE
Act 6, Scene 1, Page 2
FRIAR LAWRENCE enters with a lantern, crowbar, and shovel.
FRIAR LAWRENCE
(to Paris) Young man, what where you doing there on Juli-
PARIS kept on running
FRIAR LAWRENCE
(approaching the tomb) Romeo! Oh no! What is this blood
that stains the stony entrance of this tomb? Why are these bloody swords lying
here, abandoned by their masters? Next to this place of peace? (he looks inside
the tomb) Romeo! (sees Romeo wounded and unconscious) Praise thy Lord, you’re
still have a pulse. The bleeding from your wound must be stopped, immediately!
Ah, when did these horrible things happen? The lady’s moving.
JULIET wakes up
JULIET
Oh friendly friar! Where is my husband? I remember very
well where I should be, and here I am. Where is my Romeo?
A noise sounds from outside the tomb.
FRIAR LAWRENCE
(holding Romeo In his arms) I hear some noise. Lady, come
out of the tomb. Unfortunate events took place while you were away.
JULIET
(recognizing Romeo from FRIAR’s arms) Romeo? Romeo! (to
FRIAR LAWRENCE) Father what happened?!
FRIAR LAWRENCE
Relax, my child, Romeo is merely unconscious, he is
alive, but is wounded. Come child, there is no time to be wasted, your
husband’s wound must be treated before he bleeds out. (Rushes to shelter
carrying Romeo)
Juliet follows
Act 6, Scene 1, Page 3
ROMEO
(awakens from slumber) Where- Where am I? I have
portrayed heaven as a brighter place, not a room of concrete and wood. (Feels
something on his hand) Juliet?! How could this be? So this might be heaven.
Thank you thy Lord, thank you. (Caresses Juliet by the head)
A hooded figure enters
HOODED FIGURE
(to ROMEO) Ah, so you are awake.
ROMEO
God?
FRIAR LAWRENCE
(Removes hood) No, it is but me, Friar Lawrence.
ROMEO
No! How many of you were killed?! First Juliet, then I,
not you too!
FRIAR LAWRENCE
Calm down, Romeo, you are very well alive. A sword was
pierced through your chest when I found you, miraculously it didn’t hit any of
your vitals.
ROMEO
But how about Juliet?! It does not make any sense.
FRIAR LAWRENCE
I can explain, Juliet’s dea- (Notices that ROMEO is sobbing)
ROMEO
But... she’s still alive, that’s all that matters, I’m
already contented.
FRIAR LAWRENCE
(smiles) I have a lot of explanation to do, have I? Too
start it off, Juliet never really died, she appeared as if she’s lifeless but
she’s still alive, still though, at the moment she was dead. (ROMEO got
confused) Everything was well planned, everything worked out well before one
unexpected turn of events. But if you haven’t dug up Juliet out of her grave,
she could have- . The letter never reached you. (Hands down the letter to Romeo)
ROMEO
It’s all clear now. (speaking so that FRIAR LAWRENCE does
not hear) If it wasn’t for that man, all should have been lost. I need to repay
him.
FRIAR LAWRENCE
What was that?
ROMEO
Sorry, it was nothing. Anyways, where did you get the potion?
Sorry, it was nothing. Anyways, where did you get the potion?
FRIAR LAWRENCE
There are many things you do not know about me.
There are many things you do not know about me.
JULIET wakes up
JULIET
Romeo, Romeo, Romeo! (Hugs ROMEO) Romeo, I’m sorry. I’m
sorry, I shouldn’t have done that knowing that death could’ve been the outcome.
I should have just told father the real reason why I can’t marry Paris or- or I
should have just postponed the wedding or maybe I could’ve escaped home the
night before the wedding. I’m sorry.
ROMEO
Juliet, you don’t have to be sorry for anything. It is I
who has to be blamed for the countless horrific events that has occurred, I was
just too rash, my emotions, I was too weak to conceal it. If we haven’t met,
now you’d be living peacefully with a man who deserves you.
JULIET
(crying) Romeo, what are you saying?
ROMEO
A weak fool like me doesn’t deserve an angel like you.
You deserve a new life, Juliet... with a person who can give you everything I
wasn’t able to, with someone who’ll love you more than I do.
JULIET
(crying) Don’t say that! You’re not worthless! A person
who endured all the pain just to be with me deserves true love, a happy end!
You gave me more than what you thought, you gave me a life full of adventure,
you gave me everything I ever wanted, love. You were willing to die for me, to
die with me, don’t you tell me that there’s another man in this world who can
love me more than you do now! We can make it through, believe me. We deserve a
place where everybody will accept our love. I love you, Romeo, you know more
than that!
ROMEO
Juliet... (flashback of all he has been through with
Juliet)
Juliet, I agree, go with me to Mantua instead, nobody
there can forbid our love.
JULIET
Romeo...
Romeo...
FRIAR LAWRENCE
(thinking to himself) By now, the Capulets might have
found out that Juliet body is missing. They may as well be searching for it
now.
Someone forcefully opens the church’s door.
Act 6, Scene 1, Page 4
PAGE and CAPULET GUARDS enter
PAGE
(to the CAPULET GUARDS) There they are! The people who
stole the maiden’s body, I saw them in the graveyard last – (Notices JULIET,
alive) my lady?
CAPULET GUARDS got confused
CAPULET GUARD
(to the other Capulet Guards)Two of you, take Juliet to
Sir Capulet bring him the good news, the rest, beat up those men until they
give you answers.
JULIET
(To the Capulet Guard) No, leave them alone, they have
nothing to do with this.
CAPULET GUARD
But –
JULIET
That’s an order from your master’s daughter. (To ROMEO)
Stay here, I have something to settle with father.
CAPULET GUARD
As you wish.
JULIET, PAGE, and CAPULET GUARDS exit
ROMEO
Friar Lawrence! Why did you let them go away with
Juliet?!
FRIAR LAWRENCE
There you are again with your rash judgements, acting
before even analyzing the situation, your attitude sickens me.
ROMEO
You have a plan, am I right?
You have a plan, am I right?
FRIAR LAWRENCE
Yes, go after her.
ROMEO
Pardon.
FRIAR LAWRENCE
I said “go after her”.
ROMEO
I heard what you said, I need an explanation.
FRIAR LAWRENCE
There is no need.
Awkward silence
ROMEO
If- If you say so.
ROMEO exits
FRIAR LAWRENCE
At this rate, Capulet will be glad enough to agree to any
of Juliet’s requests. The chance of him accepting Romeo as Juliet’s husband now
exists. (holding his rosary) I rest the fate of the two lovers unto you now,
please make everything work out.
FRIAR LAWRENCE exits
ROMEO enters
Act 6, Scene 1, Page 5
ROMEO
(while rushing to the Capulet mansion) (To self) Friar
Lawrence, it’s very unusual to hear such things coming from you. Could it be?
Yes father, I will do everything in my power to succeed. I must be there for Juliet,
no matter what the cost. (out loud) Juliet. Juliet. Juliet!
ROMEO exits
CAPULET, LADY CAPULET, and NURSE enters
CAPULET
Not only that my beloved daughter has passed away, now
her body has been stolen. Oh, what ever shall I do? She never even had the chance
to marry.
NURSE
Sir, I have a confession to make. Juliet, Juliet never
wanted to marry as she- she was already married to someone else.
CAPULET
What?!
What?!
NURSE
Romeo, sir, he -
CAPULET
What was that? I believe I have heard the name of that
wretched Montague who has killed Juliet’s dearest cousin. Yes, that’s right,
Juliet’s depression over Tybalt may have just been the cause of her death. Why?
Why have the Montagues taken all that was mine?
NURSE
Don’t jump to conclusions, sir. She wasn’t crying over
her cousin’s grave. Two nights before the incident, she mentioned she doesn’t
want Paris as her husband, there was nothing sadder than her face after you
have scolded her.
CAPULET
That’s preposterous! She cheerfully said that she will
gladly marry Paris.
NURSE
I believe sir, that the smile on her face was never true.
She was so scared to face the fact that you’d be mad at her forever, she was
forced to do your bidding. She didn’t die because of sorrow for Tybalt, she
died because of melancholy and pure tension from the life waiting for her if
the marriage was ever to continue.
CAPULET
But how could she have been that sad?
NURSE
Romeo, sir, she loved Romeo, they loved each other.
CAPULET
How could you possibly know about my daughter’s inner feelings?
How could you possibly know about my daughter’s inner feelings?
NURSE
I was there with her the whole time sir, she opens up to
from time to time, and Romeo, we three were close to each other. She was already
married to him, I’m sorry the news never reached you. Starting from the night
of Tybalt’s death, she cried over Romeo, her heart broke into millions of tiny
fragments after having knowledge of Romeo’s banishment. Romeo, and only Romeo
was the only cure for her sorrow. I never heard again from the two after you
have scolded your daughter.
CAPULET
But how in heaven’s name has my pure lily fall in love
with a dirty, evil Montague?!
Someone opens the door
Act 6, Scene 1, Page 7
JULIET
Father.
CAPULET
Now I’m hearing things, seeing them. I never knew that sadness can cause people to hallucinate.
Now I’m hearing things, seeing them. I never knew that sadness can cause people to hallucinate.
NURSE
Juliet?
JULIET
(Rushes to hug CAPULET) Father!
(Rushes to hug CAPULET) Father!
NURSE faints in surprise.
CAPULET
Juliet? But- but how? How is this happening? Is it you who’s alive or... am I dead now? But- none of that! I don’t care if your dead or alive, I’m with my daughter, I can ask for nothing more. If there is a god, he’s a kind one. Oh Juliet, I beg your forgiveness. Please, never leave my side again.
Juliet? But- but how? How is this happening? Is it you who’s alive or... am I dead now? But- none of that! I don’t care if your dead or alive, I’m with my daughter, I can ask for nothing more. If there is a god, he’s a kind one. Oh Juliet, I beg your forgiveness. Please, never leave my side again.
JULIET
I should be the one asking for forgiveness, father.
CAPULET
W- Why?
W- Why?
JULIET
I faked my death just for my own selfish reasons. I’ve
caused sorrow to hundreds. I’m sorry, dad.
CAPULET
I have no idea how you did that. Just- Just don’t do that
again okay?
A voice from outside is heard
VOICE
Juliet! Juliet!
Juliet! Juliet!
CAPULET
What the devil is that noise?
JULIET
!
!
ROMEO enters
CAPULET is surprised
ROMEO
Juliet! (Rushes to Juliet)
Juliet! (Rushes to Juliet)
CAPULET
(Blocks Romeo) Romeo of the clan Montague, why are you here. Speak!
(Blocks Romeo) Romeo of the clan Montague, why are you here. Speak!
ROMEO
I am here for your daughter.
CAPULET
The son of Montague, who killed my dearest nephew, is
asking for my daughter’s hand? I have never seen a man such as useless as you.
Why does Juliet even love you? Tell me, Montague, what can you do for Juliet?
ROMEO
That... um...
That... um...
What can I do for Juliet...
I can’t tell you that just now.
CAPULET
You’re an indecisive guy! Do you even love Juliet?
You’re an indecisive guy! Do you even love Juliet?
ROMEO
I...
CAPULET
I see...
Die!
(Grabs Romeo by the neck) So you’re just another
indecisive bastard! You do not deserve the hand of a fair maiden like my
daughter, you deserve to perish!
ROMEO
(choking) No! Why do you have to do this?
CAPULET
Because I don’t like you!
Yes! Perish, so I can finally become victor of the
hundred year war. (Constantly punches Romeo) Die! Now I’ll return every single
ounce of pain you brought to this land! What’s the matter? Why won’t you fight back?
Where’s your pride, scoundrel? Turn into
ashes, piece of crap!
JULIET
Father! Stop! (Gets hit by Capulet in effort of stopping
him)
ROMEO falls
Act 6, Scene 1, Page 8
CAPULET
Juliet! Why did you get in my way?
Juliet! Why did you get in my way?
JULIET
Papa, please don’t do that. Please don’t hurt Romeo
CAPULET
You came back from the dead just to ask me this favor?
This man is not suited for you.
JULIET
That is not for father to decide! (crying) Romeo is my
most important person. No matter what you say, Romeo will still be my most
important person. Romeo is gentle, he can be depended on and he has gone through
all this pain. Romeo... Romeo... is the person I love!
ROMEO
(gasping for air) I... I can stop... the war. We two can
stop the war.
JULIET
Romeo.
CAPULET
What was that?
ROMEO
I- we... can stop the war... I can give your daughter...
a peaceful world to live in, where she’ll have eternal joy. Won’t you like
that?
CAPULET
Yes, you have a point. Continue.
Yes, you have a point. Continue.
ROMEO
I can convince my family to stop the war... if- if you’ll
agree to work with me.
CAPULET
Stop the war? Why?!
Stop the war? Why?!
ROMEO
Can I ask you why our families are fighting?
CAPULET
I don’t know the answer to that.
ROMEO
Then why do you continue to fight for nothing?
Then why do you continue to fight for nothing?
CAPULET
We were taught to hate each other by our elders, our
parents and grandparents. We were born rivals, we must fight to our deaths.
ROMEO
It’s not your fight anymore. It was your
great-grandparent’s fight, you shouldn’t be part of it, the fight was over
after our elders were gone. Now we have the chance to change, for a better
future, for a more peaceful one. What do you say?
CAPULET
I believe what you have said is all true. I accept, Romeo.
I believe what you have said is all true. I accept, Romeo.
JULIET
Dad...
Romeo smiles
They all exit.
Act 6, Scene 2, Page 1
MONTAGUE, MONTAGUE GUARD and MESSENGER enters
MESSENGER
Lord Montague, Sir Capulet has sent you a letter. (Hands
down letter to Montague)
MONTAGUE
(After reading letter) What does he want now? Begging for
me to come to their residence immediately after all those events. (to MONTAGUE
GUARDS) Men, assist me to the Capulets.
They all exit
MONTAGUE and CAPULET enter
MONTAGUE
What is it now, Capulet?
What is it now, Capulet?
CAPULET
Ah, you have received my letter earlier than expected. I have sent you here for a truce.
Ah, you have received my letter earlier than expected. I have sent you here for a truce.
MONTAGUE
Truce?
CAPULET
I call the war off. All thanks to your son, ROMEO.
MONTAGUE
Romeo? What happened to my son?
CAPULET
He is here.
He is here.
ROMEO and JULIET enter
MONTAGUE
Romeo! Oh, I have missed you, my son. The news must be told to your mother. Is what Capulet said true?
Romeo! Oh, I have missed you, my son. The news must be told to your mother. Is what Capulet said true?
ROMEO
Yes, father.
MONTAGUE
But how? (sees Juliet) Oh, I see. (to CAPULET) The war is
over. Who would’ve thought that the hundred year war was stopped by two children.
(to ROMEO) I am proud of you, my son.
CAPULET goes outside to proclaim the news
CAPULET
The war is over!
The war is over!
The crowd roars with such joy.
PRINCE ESCALUS enters with his soldiers
PRINCE
What is the meaning of this? Why is there noise?
What is the meaning of this? Why is there noise?
RANDOM CITIZEN
The war is over!
The war is over!
PRINCE
(to soldiers) Escort me to the Capulet’s house.
(to soldiers) Escort me to the Capulet’s house.
PRINCE enters Capulet mansion
PRINCE
(to CAPULET) I heard that the war is over. Capulet, when and how?
(to CAPULET) I heard that the war is over. Capulet, when and how?
CAPULET
Montague’s son, my Lord.
Montague’s son, my Lord.
Everyone silences
PRINCE
(to ROMEO) You! I thought I banished you from here. You
have killed someone. You have broken the law by coming back to Verdana. You
have dishonored your family. And most of all, you have saved Verdana.
The Crowd cheers
(To the Crowd) Peace has once again ruled over Verdana!
The crowd cheers louder.
Black scene
Act 6, Scene 2, Page 1
FRIAR LAWRENCE
I hereby proclaim the these two lovers, Romeo and Juliet,
be officially married
Romeo and Juliet kiss
The citizens of Verdana cheers
PRINCE’S VOICE
We settle the two family’s eternal peace this morning.
The bright sun shines over the kingdom once again. Now we end the story of
Romeo and Juliet with the hope that Verdana will never again see the kind of
darkness that has brought it to war so many times. But if that day comes, there
is one who shall step out of the shadows and fight for the name of love and all
things good and true.
The scene ends with pink petals falling from the sky with a
golden statue of who seems to resemble Paris.
HAPPY END
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