English-EngEng

ORIGINAL TEXT:

POLISHED TEXT:
(Unnecessary  sentences were cut off and/or replaced)


October 1996
To Marije,

I am not surprised why Dennis left you. What reason can you think of other than your fat body. First I thought that Dennis was only toying with me, later, I realized that he really can't bear being with you. Dennis said he could not stand your habit of meddling with all his trips and phoning them, asking nonstop.

He said that you are a shame to him, either when he's at school or when he's with his family. Dennis is also asking you to cut off that thick fat of yours. Yet you think you're the prettiest girl he knows. Who do you think you are, Jose Marie Chan's "Beautiful Girl"?
Even though you "think" you're beautiful, you have no right to call me names, whether or not Dennis' back is turned. But if you do call me by such names, I'll have no other choice but to return the favor. For example, a FAT, OVERWEIGHT, OBESE, AND POORLY-SHAPED PIG. It's a shame that your body's too BULGY.

You can't blame Dennis for choosing me over you, I have the sexier body compared to you. I repeat, you look just like a gender swapped Lozada.

Love,
The sexiest Girl of D.M.

P.S.
You say that I have bad breath, but who did Dennis want to kiss again? Me. There you go.


COMMENT:

Words cannot describe how poor the English was, it was literally 'painful' to read the original text. I don't even know how I should react to it, should I laugh or cry at the idiocy? I'm not sure if it was just a prank to mess up with the reader's mind, or ignorance in it's purest form. It was mostly annoying, knowing that even people in the past had the arrogance to make such a mess really pisses me off. Normally, I'd quit on reading things like these from the start and leave a funny comment, but I needed to read it until the end, for heaven's sake, it's like arguing with retards on the internet, they'll keep on replying with nonsense, proving themselves correct even though they're clearly and evidently wrong.

Anyways, awesome challenge. It made us feel superior when it comes to conversing in English at the same time, testing our English skills.